The shape of things to come

November 2018 - It has come to our attention that The Floater has become boring and old fashioned by failing to embrace the current trend for ‘fake news’ so our occasional correspondent Brian Jarrett has been listening at the third floor window in C&RT towers and brings us the latest updates on the big move from navigation authority to public entertainer.

The breaking news is that the Trust is to launch and promote regional water polo teams, to fight it out in canals across the country., reports Brian.
Having successfully filled the towpaths to capacity as “millions of people visit the canals daily” according to C&RT, the charity is now turning its attention to the remaining people living within 1km of the canal.

It is essential they, too become part of the wellbeing charity’s activities “life is better by water”

With no room left on the towpaths, water polo teams will be set up in each of the six newly established regions – with the new Directors taking direct control of coaching.

The regional teams will play inter regional knock out competitions for the glory of their home region.

In view of the games being played in the canals wet suits will be provided dark blue for home games and light blue for away strip.

Three weeks prior to the games navigation will be closed to boating in order to facilitate an intense magnet fishing competition to take place removing supermarket trolleys, bicycle frames, and motor bikes plus any other metallic rubbish that could impede play in the “pool”.

It is firmly believed that this innovation will bring the customer base to CRT to around 95% of available customers, but the campaign to drag more people into the cut cult carries on.

Following the success of introducing wide beams to the narrow Oxford canal, canoes and kayaks to the thrills of passing through the tunnels of the canal system and the more recent popularity of paddle boarding over the various aqueducts our information is that C&RT’s “Strategy & Engagement” are being asked to now clearly identify suitable winding holes and stretches of popular canal that can be established as sites to hire out pedalos.​

Clearly this will promote further “making life better by water” but it is vital to keep ‘on message’ so, in view of the recent logo change, the team are to investigate selling off the earlier prototype “Swan” pedalos.

Photos: (1st) The West Midlands canal water polo team, (2nd) London and the South East water polo team, (3rd) New logo-friendly pedallos, (4th) On their way out - Swan pedallos.

User login